My Little Pony: The Movie PITCH MEETING (Parody)
by Xolcm
Summary: A parody of the Pitch Meeting videos on the Screen Rant YouTube channel.


"So, you have an animated movie script for me?"

"Yes, sir, I do. It's for a My Little Pony movie."

"Oh, haven't we made a bunch of those recently?"

"Actually, those were all Equestria Girls movies."

"What's the difference?"

"Well those were technically movies for a My Little Pony spin-off series that we never actually made."

"Seems like a weird way to do things."

"Yes, but we're doing a proper pony movie now, so the build-up is going to make people even more excited for it."

"Well alright, so what can you tell me about the movie?"

"Well right off the bat, the movie's going to be chock full of celebrities and their names are going to be all over the movie poster."

"Wow, this must be a pretty ambitious movie with a main cast full of celebrities."

"Actually, the celebrities are all going to be playing brand new characters that have never appeared in the show before."

"Oh, are we not using the main characters from the show?"

"Actually, we're using all of the main characters from the show."

"So why aren't their names on the poster?"

"Well they're all played by voice actors, so they're not famous enough to sell the movie to people who aren't already fans of the show."

"Boy, it must suck for them not to get top billing in their own movie."

"Yes it will."

"So, what can you tell me about the actual movie?"

"Well, the movie starts off with Princess Twilight Sparkle trying to convince the other princesses to use their magic to make the upcoming festival even better."

"Oh, what kind of magic do these princesses have?"

"Well, Princess Celestia can raise the sun."

"She can raise the sun?"

"That's right."

"As in… the actual sun?"

"Yes. Also Princess Luna can raise the moon."

"Wow. I gotta say, this is more than I was expecting from a show about ponies. What, can another princess raise galaxies?"

"No, Princess Cadence can't lift celestial objects."

"Okay, good."

"She has complete control over the concept of love."

"She can control an immaterial concept?"

"That's right."

"Wow, these princesses sound insanely strong. I bet it's gonna be really hard to defeat them."

"Actually, super easy; barely an inconvenience."

"How so?"

"Well, the city of Canterlot is going to be invaded by the forces of the Storm King, led by Commander Tempest."

"Who's Commander Tempest?"

"She's a unicorn with a dark purple coat, crew cut hair, a scar on her face, and a broken horn."

"Whoa, easy there, you almost cut me on the edginess."

"Sorry about that."

"So, what's her deal?"

"Well, she needs the princess's magic in order to power up a staff for the Storm King so that he can fix her horn and she can have her magic back."

"Alright."

"So she throws these orbs at the princesses which encases them in crystal."

"Wait, you said the main character is also a princess, so is she also turned to crystal?"

"No, see at the last second, another pony leaps in front of her and takes the hit."

"Why doesn't Tempest just throw another one of those orbs at her?"

"Well since there are four princesses, she only brought four orbs."

"So she just assumed that she would hit all of them on the first try and had no back-up plan in case any of them missed?"

"That's right."

"Well, okay. So what happens next?"

"Well, with the princesses down, Twilight and her friends have to leave the city, since they can't fight an entire army on their own?"

"Don't the ponies have their own army?"

"Well they do have the royal guard, but we're not going to use them."

"Why not?"

"They are literally the worst."

"Gotcha."

"So then Twilight and her friends have to go off on an adventure to get help from the other races of Equestria."

"Oh, is this something that we built up in the series?"

"Yes, actually we devoted several episodes of the TV show to the ponies improving their relations with the other races for just such an occasion."

"Can you give me some examples?"

"Well first off there's the yaks: a bunch of really strong guys who are really good at war."

"They sound like a good choice."

"There's also the changelings, who can turn into literally anything."

"That sounds useful."

"Then there's the dragons, who are, you know, dragons."

"Wow, this sounds like a really interesting setup."

"Right... so we're not gonna to use any of them, and instead we're going to use the hippogriffs."

"Oh, okay, have the hippogriffs also appeared in the show before?"

"Never in the entire franchise."

"Well, this is a movie, so it makes sense that we're trying something new. So do they know where the hippogriffs are?"

"Nope."

"Do they know how to find them?"

"Nope."

"So what are they gonna do?"

"They're gonna walk in a random direction."

"And that works?"

"Well I'm the writer, so I'll make it work."

"Well isn't that convenient?"

"So, after wandering through the desert for an undetermined amount of time which we're gonna quickly skip over, they eventually make it to a shanty town, and there they meet Capper."

"Who's Capper?"

"He's an anthropomorphic cat who has a smooth voice, sings great songs…"

"Oh."

"… and he makes dick jokes."

"He makes dick jokes in a My Little Pony movie?"

"That's right."

"Don't you think that might be inappropriate for the young children watching?"

"Don't worry, I made sure that everything in this movie is completely appropriate for young children."

"Well, if you say so. So what happens next?"

"He tries to sell the ponies into slavery in order to pay off his debt."

"Oh my God!"

"But before that can happen, Tempest, who's been chasing after Twilight because she needs her alicorn magic, shows up, and the ponies are able to escape, and they have a big chase scene through the town."

"Oh, chase scenes are tight."

"So the ponies are then able to escape on to an airship, so Tempest starts following after them on her own airship."

"Makes sense."

"She also takes Capper hostage until she catches them because he knows them."

"Even though they hate his guts and want nothing to do with him because he tried selling them into slavery?"

"That's right."

"Makes sense."

"The ponies then find out that the people running the ship that they're on used to be pirates but they're now the Storm King's slaves, so they help them to not be slaves anymore."

"Oh, how do they do that?"

"They tell them to not be slaves anymore."

"Really, they just tell them?"

"No, of course not."

"Okay."

"They also sing a song about it."

"Oh, well if it's a song then it's fine."

"So at the end of the song, Rainbow Dash does a sonic rainboom because it will look cool, but it ends up giving away their position."

"Probably not a smart move?"

"Whoops."

"Whoopsie."

"So, with Tempest on her way towards their ship, the ponies decide to hide below deck."

"Oh, so that they can then jump out and hit Tempest from both sides?"

"No, actually they're just gonna leave the ship and continue towards the hippogriffs on their own."

"Okay, kind of makes the previous scene kind of pointless."

"Don't worry, it's gonna factor in later."

"If you say so."

"So Tempest is mad that the ponies managed to get away yet again, so she decides to blow up the ship that Capper and the pirates are on."

"Okay, so does she tie them up and go back to her own ship first?"

"No, she just blows up the ship immediately."

"While she's still on it?"

"That's right."

"So then how does she survive?"

"I don't know."

"Fair enough."

"So, the ponies finally make it to Mt. Aries, which is the home of the hippogriffs, but the whole place is in ruins and there's nobody around."

"Oh, no. Did the Storm King defeat them already?"

"No, see they then meet a seapony, who takes them underwater and reveals that they actually are the hippogriffs, and that they used a magic pearl to transform their race so that they could hide from the Storm King underwater."

"That sounds interesting. How are we going to explain that to the audience?"

"The way I just did."

"Oh, so we're just going to have a bunch of exposition?"

"That's right."

"Well, if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

"The seaponies then use the pearl on Twilight and her friends and turn them into seaponies, so that they can breathe underwater, but also so that we can promote the new seapony toyline."

"Okay, good. We needed to sneak a commercial for our new toyline in there somewhere."

"So, after seeing the pearls power, Twilight gets an idea to use it to turn them all into something strong enough to defeat the Storm King."

"Oh, that sounds like it could lead to a lot of interesting and creative ideas."

"No, see the Queen of the hippogriffs is going to immediately shoot it down, saying that she doesn't want to risk the pearl falling into the Storm King's control."

"Why don't they just transform some of them and leave the rest of them behind to guard the pearl?"

"Because."

"Fair enough."

"Twilight is then going to try and steal the pearl anyway, but she fails, so the queen turns them all back into ponies and banishes them."

"Does she take them back to surface first so that they don't drown?"

"...no."

"She tries to drown them?!"

"Yes."

"Wow, so far the good guys have been even worse than the bad guys."

"So once they're back on land, Twilight's friends are mad at her because she tried stealing the pearl, and then Twilight yells at her friends, saying that maybe they shouldn't be friends anymore."

"Oh, the second-act breakup; a classic."

"So, she then goes off on her own for a moment to think, but she ends up getting captured by Tempest and taken on board her airship."

"They don't notice a giant airship sneaking up on them?"

"They do not."

"Alright."

"So now that Tempest has Twilight, she tells her her backstory, saying that she used to be happy and everything was great, but after she broke her horn and she couldn't use magic anymore, her friends left her, so she learned to never trust anyone again."

"Okay."

"And then she met the Storm King, who promised to fix her horn if she agreed to serve him."

"Even though she literally just said that she wasn't going to trust anyone again?"

"That's right."

"That doesn't really make any sense."

"Well, to be honest, I didn't really want to spend time writing up a character origin story, so I just decided to reuse Starlight Glimmer's motivations from the show and just sort of hope that nobody notices."

"Can we do that?"

"Well, Starlight Glimmer was also just a reuse of Sunset Shimmer's character and that seemed to work out alright."

"Well, okay, if it worked before, I'm sure it will work again."

"Great."

"So, what happens next?"

"Well, Twilight's friends are trying to decide on what to do, and then Capper and the pirates show up."

"Oh, how did they survive the ship blowing up?"

"Probably the same way Tempest did."

"And how did she survive again?"

"I don't know."

"Fair enough."

"They're then also joined by the seapony princess, who wants to help them."

"Okay."

"So the twelve of them then head back to Canterlot to fight the Storm King's army and save Twilight."

"Basically rendering their entire adventure up until now pointless?"

"Kind of."

"Also, isn't it going to be hard for just twelve people to fight an entire army?"

"Actually, super easy; barely an inconvenience."

"Well, I guess that makes sense. Since this is a movie for young children, we won't really be able to show violent things like fighting, or injuries, or death."

"Right."

"So, jumping a head a bit here, how are they going to deal with the Storm King?"

"They're gonna kill him."

"Whoa, really?"

"Yes, but don't worry. It won't be anything too graphic. We'll just have him turn to crystal and then shatter."

"Well, I guess that's okay."

"Then we'll later show one of his eyes moving, implying that he's still alive like that."

"That sounds horrible."

"No, it will be funny. During the credits, we'll even have people playing with his pieces."

"That sounds plain morbid."

"No, it will be funny; trust me."

"Well, I guess I'll take your word on that."

"Great."

"So, how are we gonna reach that point?"

"Well, once they're back at Canterlot, the Storm King finally shows up."

"And what's his deal?"

"He's evil."

"Oh, he is?"

"Yes, he even says things like ,'Everything here is so cute. I hate cute'."

"Hating cute things is evil. So what happens next?"

"He then drains the four princess's magic into his staff, so now he has magic."

"Wait, did he not have magic before?"

"No he did not."

"So then, how did he keep Tempest and his army in line this whole time?"

"I don't know."

"Fair enough. So, with how powerful the princesses were established to be, I bet the Storm King can do a lot of creative things now that he has their magic."

"Yes sir, he makes a storm."

"Really? He has the power to move the heavens themselves, and he just uses it to create a storm?"

"Well, he's called the _Storm_ King, so we kind of have to work that in there."

"I guess that makes sense. So, is this storm going to be strong enough to rip buildings out of the ground?"

"No, it's really just kind of a strong wind."

"Oh... okay."

"So, now that Tempest has gotten the Storm King the magic she promised him, she asks him to fix her horn, but he reveals that he was lying to her and that he's not actually going to do it."

"Thus proving the villain right and that you actually can't trust anyone?"

"I guess."

"Probably not something we should be teaching to young children."

"No, it will be fine."

"If you say so."

"So then the strong wind will blow Tempest off the edge of the castle, but Twilight will save her."

"Wait, why would Twilight save Tempest after everything she's done to her?"

"Because that's what friends do."

"Oh, are they friends now?"

"Of course. Friendship is Magic."

"So did Tempest regret everything that she'd done up until now?"

"Nope."

"Did she apologise to Twilight for hunting her and her friends?"

"Nope."

"Did she do anything to deserve this redemption?"

"Nope."

"So then why did Twilight save her?"

"Because Friendship is Magic."

"I don't really agree with what you're doing, but you did say the title of the show, so I guess that's okay."

"Great."

"So what happens next?"

"Then Twilight's friends arrive and they all manage to get the staff and send the Storm King flying away, and they all hug."

"Aww, hugs are nice."

"But then while they're distracted, the Storm King climbs up the balcony and throws one of the crystal orbs at them."

"Oh, no."

"Don't worry. Tempest will see this happen, so she'll jump in front of it and get turned into crystal herself."

"Wait, I thought you said earlier that the Storm King would be turned to crystal."

"Well, he was close to Tempest when she was hit, so when she starts turning into crystal, he does as well."

"Oh, are the ponies far away from Tempest when this happens?"

"Actually, they're even closer to her than the Storm King is."

"So then why don't they start turning into crystal as well?"

"Because."

"Fair enough."

"So then Tempest and the Storm King's crystal forms start falling off the edge of the palace, but Twilight uses her now-restored magic to catch Tempest before she hits and the ground and smashes into pieces, while the Storm King does."

"Wait, if Twilight saves Tempest even though she was a villain, why doesn't she also save the Storm King even though he was a villain?"

"Oh, for a very good reason."

"Which is?"

"He's not a pony."

"She doesn't save the Storm King because he's not the same race as her?"

"Yes, you see at various points in the movie, Twilight thinks that Tempest shouldn't be a villain for no other reason than because she's a pony, like her."

"Why does she think that?"

"Well, the show kind of has this thing where if a villain is pony, then by the end, they will instantly be forgiven for everything they've done, up to and including acts of terrorism."

"I'm not sure if that's something we should be teaching young children."

"No, it's great. It teaches them that no one is beyond redemption."

"Okay, so what if a villain isn't a pony?"

"Well then they'll either kill them or imprison them forever because they can't be trusted."

"So non-pony villains can never be redeemed?"

"Well, sometimes a non-pony villain will be redeemed, but they won't actually be forgiven, and the ponies will still treat them like garbage anytime they show up."

"I gotta say, these ponies sound a bit more racist than I was expecting."

"Well they are, but don't worry, I have a plan to fix that."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, see in the next season, there's going to be a character that is explicitly a racist, so that will make the main cast look less racist by comparison."

"That doesn't sound like it's better."

"No, it'll be great. See, the racist will be a pony, so it will show that the ponies aren't all perfect."

"Will the racist pony also be redeemed?"

"...probably."

"Also, we can just have characters be openly racist in a kids show?"

"Oh, yeah, this is gonna be the eight season, so we can do whatever we want at this point."

"Well, I suppose if you've been on television long enough, you can start getting away with more because of how devoted the fanbase is."

"Except gay characters."

"Wait, what?"

"Yes, we cannot have our characters be openly gay."

"So you can have characters that are racist, but not characters that are gay?"

"That's right."

"Boy, the world we live in."

"Tell me about it."

"So, it sounds like everything in the movie is all wrapped now."

"Yes, sir. The princesses all have their magic returned to them, and they and Tempest are turned back to normal."

"Does Tempest also get her magic back?"

"No, actually, I think that giving her her magic back and getting everything she wanted will be a little too much after everything she's done."

"But she'll still be forgiven for her acts of terrorism?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, alright. So, how are we going to wrap up the movie?"

"With a dance party."

"Well, it works with literally every other animated movie, so I guess it will work here too."

"There's also gonna be a scene where Tempest tells the group that Tempest Shadow isn't her real name."

"What's her real name?"

"Fizzlepop Berrytwist."

"Wow, even by this shows standards that's a stupid name."

"Yes it is, but since it's stupid, that automatically makes it funny."

"Can't argue with that."

"So, what did you think of the movie?"

"Well, I gotta say, there are some moments that I think seem really dark when you stop to think about them, and I am kind of worried that maybe it will be a bad move with how many young children are gonna see it."

"Okay."

"But I'm sure that I'm just looking too much into this. I'm sure that all people will see in this movie are the bright colours, beautiful animations, catchy songs, and toys that every child will want to buy, so everything will be just fine."

"Absolutely."


End file.
